I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize