I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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