Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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