On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
