Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
