then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
