i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize