I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
