is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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