My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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