She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
