Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
