So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we're making bets on your personal life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
