Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
