i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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