somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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