Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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