On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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