This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
