member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
