Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
