I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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