oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize