I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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