What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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