Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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