I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
