what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
