Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
