I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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