So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
