And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
