3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
