worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
