She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
