If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
