Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize