so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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