Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
