LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
