this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
