I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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