My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
