Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
