dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
