I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
