i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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