hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize