I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
