just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
