There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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