you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
