I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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