There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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