She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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