I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
