Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
