Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
