True but thats because hes a fetus.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
