Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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