I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
