maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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