So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My cat gives me a boner
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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