I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
