I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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