He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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