found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize