Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
